ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
