The maid of honor just puked.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
