Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
