Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
