At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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