So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he thought i was a dude.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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