i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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