You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
