walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
