I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
