I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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