Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
