I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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