Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
