Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
