Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
