Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
