It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
