When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
