You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
