did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
