I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
