I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
