Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
