On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
