my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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