I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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