i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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