Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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