I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
