3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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