Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
