This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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