did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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