Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
