he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
