Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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