we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
