you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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