Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
