Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
