Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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