Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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