Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
