kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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