I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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