mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I believe in your delicious
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
