you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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