I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
