i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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