I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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