chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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